I'll never leave you
by HungerGames1
Summary: '"Please don't leave," he whispers as I give in and close my eyes. The cannon booms shortly after. If only Haymitch knew I didn't plan on leaving...' What if Maysilee never leaves Haymitch? She's dead, but she doesn't let that get in her way. Could this be part of the reason Haymitch drinks?
1. Prologue

A/N- Here's a little prologue told from Maysilee's point of view during her Hunger Games. Enjoy!

I leave Haymitch standing alone at the edge of the cliff. I walk fast and don't look back. I don't want him to see the tears that are rolling down my face.

It breaks my heart to leave him. I don't want to leave him. I also have to remember that these are the Hunger Games, and I don't want it to have to come down to Haymitch and me. Would Haymitch kill me if it came down to us? I hope not. I know he could, but I hope he wouldn't. I know I could never kill him.

I never told him, but I think I love him. I love the boy from the Seam. My mother would love that, wouldn't she?

I think he has feelings for me, but I'm not sure. He's hard to predict. I, on the other hand, am an open book.

I suddenly feel eyes watching me. I stop and try to calm myself. It could be another tribute or it could be another mutt. I hope it's Haymitch. Maybe Haymitch came back for me!

I look behind me and see a bunch of bright pink birds. I should've known better. Why would Haymitch come back for me? I curse myself for being so optimistic.

I let out a shriek of surprise. The pink birds charge at me. I think it's because I screamed. I suddenly feel sharp pains in my leg and look down. The birds are puncturing my skin with their sharp, curved beaks. I begin to panic when I see that many more birds are coming.

They squawk and hiss as I try to defend myself. I kick and punch, but there are so many birds. I scream as my legs give out. I fall flat on my back, the birds forming a circle around me.

I shriek louder as they begin to peck holes into my neck. I try to say Haymitch, but the blood makes it hard to understand. I scream more out of fear than pain. If only Haymitch were here…

As if he read my thoughts, Haymitch comes running up to me out of nowhere. The birds are frightened by his presence and fly away. Haymitch reaches me and takes my hand. He gives it a reassuring squeeze.

"I'm sorry," he whispers. I open my mouth, but it fills up with my own blood. I cough and sputter out the red liquid, but it keeps coming.

Maybe I was wrong. Maybe he really does have feelings for me. Maybe he loves me back.

"I love you," I try to say, but the blood gets in the way. I cough and sputter.

"Sh, don't talk," he whispers. I don't think he understood what I said. Oh, Haymitch. If only you knew…

The world is becoming fuzzy and my eyes want to close. I begin to panic. I'm going to die! I don't want to die!

"Please don't leave," he whispers as I give in and close my eyes. The cannon booms shortly after. If only Haymitch knew I didn't plan on leaving…

A/N-This is just a prologue I figured I would put in. This story will be about Haymitch after Maysilee dies. The thing is Maysilee never leaves. I hope you enjoyed! Review, please!


	2. Is it really you?

A/N- I will do the rest of the story in Haymitch's point of view. This takes place a little bit after Haymitch won. Enjoy!

My eyes feel droopy, but I'm scared of the darkness. I lie in my bed and try to decide whether to sleep or not. I tried, but the only thing I see is Maysilee dying. Her screams fill my ears and her blood coats my hands.

I know it wasn't my fault. It wasn't my fault she left. I tried, but I can't help feeling I could've done something more. Maybe if I got there sooner. Maybe if I ran faster. Maybe I could have saved her.

Maysilee was sweet, kind, caring. She did not deserve to die, but did any of them? I can't help feeling a little guilty for living while they're dead. Their hearts have stopped beating while mine is strong and healthy.

The inevitable comes and my eyes close. The terrors begin. I am plunged into darkness. It scares the hell out of me.

"Hello," I say. Nothing answers me. "Hello?"

"Hi," replies a voice. I know that voice.

"Maysilee? Maysilee, is that you?"

"Yes."

"Where are you? I don't see you."

"You don't want to see me."

"Why? What's wrong?"

"Fine," she hisses. I see a figure emerging. She was right. I didn't want to see her.

"What happened," I ask as I see a woman. She doesn't look like Maysilee. Her neck is covered in openings as well as the rest of her body. The wounds produce little rivers of crimson.

"You know what happened," the figure hisses at me. "You know what happened!"

"You're not Maysilee," I reply.

"Oh, what? Am I not as pretty as I used to be? Is that it?"

"No. It's just…"

"You selfish bastard," she growls. I suddenly feel a force push me backwards. I plummet into more darkness.

"I didn't mean it like that," I say. "I didn't mean it!" I don't hear a reply.

I suddenly awake from the sound of my door opening. I automatically take out my knife and aim it at the suspect. I have to blink twice. The person looks just like Maysilee.

"Haymitch," the woman says in surprise. That's weird. She looks…translucent.

"Who are you," I respond.

"I'm Maysilee," the figure replies. I scoot father on my bed. What the hell?

"I am," she repeats. She moves closer to me, and I just scoot farther away. I can feel goose bumps sprouting along my arms.

"Get away from me," I warn. The figure stops. She really does look like Maysilee in a way. When I get a closer look at her, she even has scars around her neck.

"Who are you," I ask again. Who would really do this to me?

"I am Maysilee," she repeats.

"Maysilee is dead," I state. I curse my voice for cracking.

"So am I," she declares. "I am Maysilee."

"How do I know? This could just be another bad dream."

She pauses, as if considering my words. "Do you dream of me a lot?"

"Yes." I can see a hint of something in her eyes that I can't place.

"I think of you a lot." She walks towards the window. This is definitely one of my weirdest dreams.

"Why are you here," I ask. The question came out more hostile than I expected.

"I don't know."

"How do you not know?"

"I just don't. The last thing I remember is dying. All of a sudden I'm in this weird house. That's all I know."

I pinch myself and wince. Man, why did I pinch so hard? I guess this really isn't one of my weird Maysilee dreams. Anyway, who cares if it's a dream or not?

"Are you mad at me?" My voice doesn't even sound like mine. If this is another one of my nightmares, Maysilee will say yes. She'll say she hates me. She says I should be the one that's dead. What she says surprises me.

"No."

Who knew one little word could have so much meaning? I feel as if a weight has been lifted off of my chest. "I'm glad to hear you say that."

She smiles and it reminds me of the old Maysilee. The one who could smile and make your heart skip a beat. The one who could get you to laugh in your darkest hour. The one who could make me love her.

Did I just think that? Did I seriously think that? Is it true? Do I love her? Who cares? It's too late. She's dead. She died before I could figure it all out. We never had a chance, and we never will.

"What a tricky situation. Don't you think, Mitch?"

"Wait, Maysilee used to call me Mitch."

"I am Maysilee," she says a little frustrated.

"Prove it." She stares at me with a look of sadness.

"My locket has the initials E. D. on it."

"What locket?"

"I have a special locket in my bedroom that I keep in my jewelry box." I stand suddenly. "Where are you going," she asks as I leave the room.

"I'm going to check," I call over my shoulder. She follows me down the stairs. "Maybe you should stay here."

"Why?"

"If you are really Maysilee, people will freak out."

"Okay," she says, defeated.

"I'll be right back." I practically sprint out of my house. What if she is Maysilee? My heart jumps and I walk a little faster. It'll be like I never lost her. We can finally be together. I really hope that stupid locket has the initials E. D.

My feet eventually carry me to Maysilee's house. The windows are black and it looks nothing like the house I remember. I don't care, though, at this point. I quickly stride up to her front door and knock quietly. The door opens abruptly and I'm taken by surprise.

"Hello," says a girl that looks a lot like Maysilee.

"Hello," I greet back. I think she's Maysilee's sister.

"Can I help you?"

"Yes, actually you can. Can I come in, though?" The question takes her by surprise, but she steps back and allows room for me to enter. I saunter in quickly and gaze around at the tiny house.

"What do you want," she asks gently. I begin to fiddle with my hands. How do I phrase this?

"Uh, I just wanted to check something."

"Check what? Listen, I'm really busy…"

"Can I see Maysilee's room, please?"

"Why?"

"I just need to see something."

"What do you need to see?"

"Her locket," I slip up. Damn.

"You know about her locket?"

"Yes, yes I do. Can I please see it?"

"How did you find out about it?"

"She's mentioned a locket to me before. I want to see it, please."

"Why?"

"The girl of many questions," I mumble.

"Why," she repeats.

"It reminds me of her. I miss her, too." She looks like she's about to say something, but decides against it.

"Okay," she says gently. I can tell she's hurting from her loss.

We climb the stairs slowly and she leads me to a room. "Where are your parents," I ask quietly, trying to start conversation.

"They went to the butcher," she replies distantly.

"Oh," I reply as she opens the door to Maysilee's room. Why would they leave her all alone?

"Here's her room," she says while motioning to the diminutive room. I smile. It smells like Maysilee.

Maysilee's sister moseys over to one of the drawers and picks up a jewelry box. She opens it and I don't see much. A couple of rings, earrings, but then I see a locket. My heart lurches in my throat. The moment of truth.

"Here it is," she says while holding up the silver locket. I stare in awe.

"Can I see it," I ask. She nods and hands it to me gently. I study the locket in my hands. I carefully flip it over on its back and see if there is an engraving. I can see E. D. engraved in big letters.

My heart almost stops. That girl in my house is really Maysilee! I can't help but smile. She came back to me. She didn't leave. Maybe she loves me, too.

"Thank you so much for everything," I say to Maysilee's sister.

"You're welcome." We stand there awkwardly for what seems like an eternity.

"I have to go. I'll see you soon," I say as I gingerly give her the locket back.

"Okay."

I amble out of her house and begin to daydream. I dream of children that look like Maysilee and me. I dream of smiling faces and countless laughs. I dream of a world where the Hunger Games don't exist. I dream of a world where Maysilee isn't dead.

A/N-I hope you enjoyed! Review please! I would really appreciate it! Smiley faces are also welcome!


	3. Not who she used to be

A/N-This chapter will also be in Haymitch's point of view. It takes place where the last chapter left off. Enjoy!

I arrive at my house and don't hesitate opening the front door. I can see Maysilee in the middle of the living room. "Hi," I greet her.

"Hello," she responds. Her back is facing me, but I don't mind. Her neck kind of freaks me out anyway. "Did you find my locket?"

"Yeah, your sister showed me."

"Is she okay?"

"Yeah, she just really misses you," I reply. "You are really Maysilee."

"About time," she mutters. I can't stop my feet from moving toward her. She noticeably tenses. I wonder if I can touch her. I decide to test it. I hold my hand out to her and try to touch her transparent hand. Goose bumps sprout along my arms as I do so. My hand picks up her freezing one.

"I'm so glad you came back," I say. I put her hand up to my lips and kiss it. It doesn't feel like anything. It feels like I'm kissing cold air.

Her eyes widen at my touch, but she doesn't say a thing. I thought I lost her forever. I guess you never know how much you love something until you lose it.

"I'm glad, too." She snakes her other freezing hand behind my neck. I try to suppress the shivers that begin to wrack my body. She's so cold.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she whispers as she removes her hands. I miss the cold sensation.

"It's okay," I whisper as I try to grab her hand again. Her eyes grow dark and they scare me. They almost look black. It's the only coloring on her body. The rest of her body is see-through.

"The Capitol did this," she hisses. "The Capitol did this," she growls as she points to her neck. "They killed me!"

"I know," I whisper as I grab her hand. I pull her close to me. She buries her head into my chest. I am afraid I might get hypothermia. I don't say a word, though, because I know she needs me.

"You don't know," she whispers angrily and abruptly moves away from me. "You don't know," she repeats. She backs up into the wall. "Stay away from me." I try to move closer to her. "Stay away! I don't want to hurt you. I really don't." The tone of her voice and her black colored eyes make me listen.

Maysilee sits in the corner of the wall farthest from me. She mumbles to herself, but I don't understand what she's saying. "Please, leave."

"Why? What's wrong?"

"Just leave," she says more forcefully. I follow her order and amble up the stairs. I turn around in time to see my couch flying across the living room. My mouth gapes as I watch. Her black eyes follow the couch as it lands on the other side of the room. I know she's doing this. That's why she wanted me to leave.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Leave," she screams. I sprint the rest of the way up the stairs. I run to my room and lock my door.

I sit on my bed and listen to the thudding of furniture. Why is she like this? The old Maysilee would never do this. The old Maysilee was always calm. I never saw her temper flare up, even when I teased her. Why was she like this now? Of all the times, why now? I need her. I need her desperately.

I think back to the old times I spent with Maysilee. I remember her cute giggle that I would receive when I told funny jokes. I remember the shy smiles I would receive occasionally. I remember her kind words that she would always say. I remember the jokes that she would tell. I also remember her death, but I don't like to think about that.

Why must everything be difficult for me? The Capitol killed Maysilee! They killed the only girl I have ever had feelings for. How can they be so cruel?

The night is rolling in and my room becomes dark. The thudding does not cease, though. My heart breaks for Maysilee. She has all of this anger inside of her that shouldn't be there. Maysilee isn't even peaceful in death.

The thudding finally stops. I take a moment or two before I leave the safety of my room. I saunter down the stairs. The first thing I notice is the destruction. All of my furniture is broken and scattered across the room. I see Maysilee with her head resting on her knees. She keeps mumbling things to herself, but I can't hear what she's saying. It's hard to think she could have caused this destruction.

"Maysilee, are you okay?"

"No," she mumbles. She looks up at me with blue eyes instead of black. I'm so relieved.

"What's wrong?"

"Everything," she whispers.

"Why do you think that?" I take cautious steps toward her.

"Did you see what I just did?"

"Yes."

"You probably think I'm a monster."

"No," I say as I take another step closer to her. She doesn't move from her spot on the floor.

"Aren't you scared of me?"

"At times," I admit.

"So am I."

There is a long pause before I decide to speak. "Is this the first time?"

"What"

"Is this the first time this has happened to you?"

"Yes. I don't know what came over me." She shakes her head. "I'm so ashamed. I should've controlled myself."

I have never been the one to comfort people. I'm not good at it. I say the first thing that pops up in my mind. "We all have our moments."

"That wasn't just a moment, Mitch. I'm dangerous. I could've seriously hurt you."

"Don't worry about me. I'm a Victor, remember?" I immediately regret my words as soon as I say them.

"Yes, I remember," she says as her eyes turn black again. "I remember everything."

"I'm sorry," I immediately say. "I didn't mean to bring it up."

"I know." Her eyes begin to return to their original color.

"See, you can control yourself."

"I know I can, Mitch. I was just saying there will always be that time when I can't."

"Why does it have to be so damn complicated," I mumble.

"I was wondering the same thing."

We listen to the silence that surrounds us. What are we going to do? That is the only question that runs through my head.

"What are we going to do," Maysilee asks, voicing my thoughts.

"I don't know."

We fall into another uncomfortable silence. I wonder what Maysilee is thinking right now.

"I think you can control yourself. I'm not worried."

"I know. That's what scares me."

A/N-Maysilee has some terrible mood swings! Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed! Please review! It would mean so much to me!


	4. Haymitch's sweetheart

A/N- Hello! This chapter is in Haymitch's point of view. I hope you enjoy! Don't forget to review!

My breathing becomes heavy. I haven't seen my girlfriend in a very long time. I feel as if I have been cheating on her in a way. I know I love Maysilee, but she's dead. I know I care for Vanessa, but it's different with Maysilee. I know I should end it with Vanessa, but I can't in fear of breaking her heart.

I'm so confused. I never told Maysilee about Vanessa. I never lied to her; she just never asked if I had a girlfriend.

My heart rate quickens as I reach the Seam. Her house is nearby. Maybe I should just go home. I could just go back. No one would know.

"Haymitch," calls a voice. I turn around and am faced with a girl with grey eyes and dark brown hair.

"Vanessa," I say with fake enthusiasm. I hope she can't tell.

"Haymitch," she repeats as she runs over to me. She throws her arms around me and I return the gesture. I feel something wet. It takes my brain some time before I realize she's crying.

"What's wrong," I ask with genuine concern. She buries her head in my neck.

"I missed you so much."

"I missed you, too," I lie.

"Why didn't you visit me?"

Oh, no. The dreaded question startles me. "I was busy. I'm sorry."

"I know, but you could have at least stopped by. You've been here for a week and you haven't visited me once," she states while keeping her head wedged in the crook of my neck.

"I'm sorry," I repeat.

"What were you doing all that time, anyway?" She's not letting me off the hook easily.

"Thinking," I reply honestly. That and talking to a ghost, but I leave that part out.

"I was worried about you," she whispers. I suddenly feel a wave of guilt rush over me.

"Don't worry about me."

"I won't." Her fingers snake around my neck and I can't help but compare her hold to Maysilee's. Maysilee's hands were cold, but hers are warm. Vanessa's grip is tight, but Maysilee's was loose. Vanessa is alive, but Maysilee is dead.

My eyes close at my thoughts. It hurts that Maysilee is dead. I can't get over the fact.

"Is everything okay," Vanessa asks. She removes her face from my neck and looks into my eyes.

"Yeah," I lie. She seems to believe me.

"Do you want to come over like old times?"

"Sure," I respond. It's the least I can do for her.

We saunter to her house hand-in-hand. I can't help but feel like I'm lying to her. I love Maysilee. I feel like I should tell her, but I don't want her to get hurt. What should I do?

We eventually make it to her tiny house. "No one is home," she says with a smile.

"Great."

"They should be back in a couple of hours." I begin to feel nervous. How can I get out of this?

"Really? Where did they go?"

"I don't know. The Hob, I think."

"Oh," I say as she opens the front door. She leads me into her home silently. We both take a seat on her couch.

"What do you want to do," she asks me. I shrug my shoulders. "I have an idea." She leans in and kisses me. It just feels…wrong. I pull away quickly. I can't do this. I just can't.

"What's wrong?"

"I can't do this. I'm sorry," I say as I stand. She refuses to let go of my hand.

"Why? What's wrong?"

"I just can't do this."

"Are you with someone else?" I don't answer. She takes this as a yes and lets go of my hand immediately. "Who is she," she asks sadly. I don't answer. "Who is she," she screams.

"I'm not seeing anyone," I say. She doesn't seem convinced. "I'm not," I say, frustrated.

"I want to believe you, but it does explain why you didn't visit me. You've been acting weird lately, Haymitch. What's going on?"

"You wouldn't understand."

"Understand what," she screams.

"It's complicated."

"No it's not! Just tell me!"

"I can't," I say, my voice rising.

"Get out," she hisses. I follow her order and leave. "I thought you were better than this! I trusted you," she screams as I mosey out the door.

"I didn't do anything," I yell back. I stroll back to her and hold her hand. "Please, believe me."

"Why won't you tell me," she sobs.

"Please, just trust me." It's so hard to see her like this. I want to tell her about Maysilee, but she'll think I was crazy. What if someone tries to get rid of Maysilee? I can't let that happen. I lost her once, and I'm not losing her again.

"If you're cheating on me, tell me now. I promise I won't be mad."

"I'm not. Why won't you believe me?"

She begins to rub her temples. "Does this have to do something to do with Maysilee?"

"What? Why would you think that?" How did she find out?

"Come on, Haymitch. It was obvious you had a thing for her. I guess I just didn't want to believe it."

"Vanessa," I say. I put my hand on her cheek. "It's not like that. I've just been through a lot. I just need some time."

"Okay," she sighs. "Take all the time you need," she says as she strides straight out the door.

The guilt returns. She tried to be understanding and patient. I wouldn't even tell her what was wrong. She probably thinks I am cheating on her.

I sigh and amble out of her house as well. Why does it have to be like this? What should I tell Vanessa?

My mind hurts and I decide to just go home. Maysilee will be waiting for me. The idea brings a smile to my face. She'll make me feel better. She's good at doing that. Well, the old Maysilee was.

I arrive at my house and stroll right through my front door. I see Maysilee sitting in the middle of the living room with her back towards me. "Hello," I greet.

"Where have you been," she hisses. She turns to face me with black eyes. Oh, no.

A/N-Thank you for reading! I hope you liked it! Please review! It would make my day!


	5. The monster I fell in love with

A/N-Thank you for following this story! I hope you enjoy this chapter! It takes place where I left off last chapter. I wrote the last couple of lines from last chapter just in case you forgot. This chapter is in Haymitch's point of view, too. Enjoy! Don't forget to review!

"Where have you been," she hisses. She turns to face me with black eyes. Oh, no.

"I was at a friend's house," I reply, hoping she won't press the question.

"Whose house," Maysilee asks.

"I went to Vanessa's house."

"Who is she?"

"My girlfriend," I respond honestly. I can't lie to Maysilee.

"You have a girlfriend," she asks angrily. Did Maysilee's eyes get darker?

"Yes."

"You never told me about Vanessa," she states sadly. She pauses. "Why," she asks, getting her fury back.

"You never asked."

Our conversation falls into an awkward silence. "Do you like me?"

"Yes," I say automatically.

"Why are you with her if you like me?"

"I like you both." I love you, though, Maysilee. I decide not to add that last part in.

"You can't have us both!" I feel a powerful force shove me against the wall. It takes me a second before I realize it was Maysilee.

"Control yourself, Maysilee," I plead. She just shakes her head. I feel myself being pushed into the wall again. I flinch at the impact and slump to the floor. I realize Maysilee is doing this without even touching me.

"Please." She looks at me with sorrow, but it quickly fades away. I feel myself being lifted off the ground. I actually think she is helping me up, but then she drops me. I wince as I meet the cold floor.

"It's me or her! Who's it going to be?"

"I don't know." I collide with the wall once more.

"That's not an answer! It's either me or her."

"I don't know, Maysilee!" I feel another rough jostle. I wince at the pain. How could she do this to me?

"Tell me!"

"What should I say? I can't have either one of you!"  
"What are you talking about?"

"I don't love Vanessa."

"You don't?"

"No."

She pauses as she considers my words. "Why can't you have me?"

"You're dead." I feel another aggressive thrust to the wall. I recoil.

"Never use that word," she growls.

"I'm sorry."

"You will be," she says as I feel another forceful push to the wall. I cry out in pain. This is really starting to hurt.

"Where's the Maysilee I used to know," I ask, trying to stop her from hurting me.

"What are you talking about?"

"You were kind, pretty, friendly, gentle, patient. Where's that girl?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." I am forced against the wall once more. I can tell I'm getting somewhere, though. Her eyes are getting lighter.

"What? You don't remember when I used to make you giggle? Do you remember when I used to tease you? Don't you remember when you gave me timid smiles?"

"I remember." Her eyes turn lighter, but there are still hints of black.

"Do you remember the times you made me laugh? Don't you remember all of those smirks I gave you? Do you recall the names you called me?"

"I remember." Her eyes are almost back to normal.

"Please, don't do this. You can control yourself. I trust you." Her eyes return to their normal shade. I breathe a sigh of relief. I just managed to get out of that one.

I rub my back and cringe at the immense pain. I'm probably badly bruised. It's hard to think Maysilee did this to me. How could she?

"I'm sorry, but I warned you."

"I'll just be in my room."

"I think that would be safest." I nod in agreement.

My feet carry me up the stairs quickly. I don't look back. I'm scared. I'm scared she might hurt me again. I just can't understand why she would do such a thing.

I open the door to my room slowly. I notice my hands are shaking, but I don't care. I stride to my bed and carefully lie down.

My mind wanders to the obvious topics. I begin to think about the event that just took place. The way her eyes looked as she hurt me. The hatred that was evident in her voice. How can all of that fury and hatred be trapped in the girl I thought I knew so well?

My mind takes a surprising turn and begins to think of the old Maysilee. They're the same memories that I replay the whole time. They're the happy memories. I only have a couple of those.

I almost forget Maysilee is downstairs. She's usually not that quiet. The silence is probably from today's events.

Vanessa begins to occupy my mind. Was it true when I said I didn't love her? Yes, I think it was. She's everything I could ever want, but I don't care. I don't love her. Why am I pretending I do? I should just break it off before I get more puzzled than I already am.

I'll visit Vanessa tomorrow. She'll probably still be angry at me, so it should be easier to break up with her. I'll just keep it vague and walk away. I hope it'll be that easy. She'll probably hate me, but I can't keep lying to her like this.

As for Maysilee, I have no clue. I love her. I know I do, but she's dead. Her heart has stopped beating. I am also frightened by her power. What if she goes too far one day? What if I can't stop her next time?

I want to tell myself that it's all okay. I desperately want everything to be simple and easy, but it never works out like that. There's always a catch. There's no other way around it. You can have fame and fortune, but you have to kill children. You can live your life, but always be aware of the Capitol watching your every move. You can have children, but there is always that chance that they become a contestant in the Hunger Games. You can fall in love. That one usually doesn't have a catch, but the love of my life is dead. As I said before, there is always a catch.

A/N-Thanks for everything! I hope you liked this chapter! Review, please! Thank you for reading!


	6. I want to tell you

A/N- Hi! I'm so sorry I haven't updated in a long time! I promise to update more often! Anyway, enjoy!

I wake up suddenly and begin shivering. I'm freezing. I try to sit up, but I forget my back is still sore from yesterday. I grimace at the immense pain I feel.

"I'm sorry," I hear a voice say. I look up and see Maysilee sitting on the edge of my bed. "I really am."

"I know," I reply.

"I'm also sorry for waking you."

"It's okay."

She slowly lifts her hands to my hair and begins to rake them through it. The gesture gives me goose bumps. I close my eyes, but open them immediately. I have a girlfriend. I'm not a cheater. I'm not going to start now.

"Maysilee, please stop," I sigh. I really don't want her to, but I'm not that kind of guy. I will be loyal to Vanessa. I will be.

"Sorry, I forgot," she says as she smiles apologetically. "How are you two doing?"

"Not so good." That brings yesterday's thoughts back. "Listen, I have to get going. I'll be back soon."

"Okay. Can you try to be back by four?"

"Sure." She leaves my room and the goose bumps slowly vanish.

I get ready and eventually find myself presentable to go to Vanessa's house. I practice break up lines in my head. I try to imagine how she'll react to each and every one of them. The outcomes are never good.

I quickly exit my room and practically sprint down the stairs. I have to go now before my courage disappears.

"Goodbye," Maysilee says as I run out the door.

"Bye," I call over my shoulder. I keep running until I reach the Seam. My pace becomes slower. Can I really do this?

Memories of Vanessa flash before my eyes. I remember her on our first date. She wore a simple black dress. She looked stunning with her hair in a fancy bun. She was so nervous. Her hands were literally shaking.

I think of the first time I kissed her. Neither of us could stop smiling. She eventually told me her first kiss was with me. I never told her my first kiss was with her, too.

Finally, I remember the day I was reaped. Vanessa visited me in the Justice Building. She cried and cried into my shirt. I told her reassuring words. I even said I loved her. She told me she loved me, too. I feel guilty about that now. At the time, I really thought I did. That, though, was before I met Maysilee.

As I am nearing her house, I get more and more nervous. What if she meant it when she said she loved me? Was it because I was going to the Hunger Games? I really hope she didn't mean it.

I am soon in front of her house. I can't go back now. I have to do this. I promised myself I would. I can't keep hurting her. I can't do that to her.

I stride to her front door and stand there for awhile. I have to do this. I slowly raise my arm and am about to knock on the door when I hesitate. Do I really want to do this?

I gather up all of my courage and knock on the door. I cringe at the sudden noise. Why did I do that? What if I can't do it? What if she really does love me?

Vanessa opens the door slowly. She looks as beautiful as ever. She glares at me. It makes me extremely uncomfortable.

"Hello," I greet.

"Hi."

"Listen, I'm really sorry about our fight." One thing I learned from Vanessa is that I always end up apologizing.

"I'm sorry, too. I should trust you," she says as her glare fades away.

I pause for a moment before speaking. "Can we talk?" She nods slowly. I am about to speak again, but Vanessa beats me to it.

"I really missed you," she says as she cups my face. "I love you," she whispers.

Damn. How do I respond to that? Should I tell her I love her, too? Should I pretend I didn't hear her? Should I just continue to talk?

I lean in and kiss her. She seems satisfied by the response and wraps her arms around my neck. My hands find her waist. The kiss feels empty, though. There's nothing special about this one. It's just a kiss. I wonder if she feels the same.

I break the kiss and gaze into her grey eyes. She looks happy. I decide to tell her now, but she beats me to it again.

"I hate to fight with you," she admits. "I was up all night thinking about what happened."

"I hate to fight with you, too." I was right. I can't do this. She looks so content. How can I ruin that?

"Do you want to come in?"

"Sure, but I have to go soon."

"Okay," she says as she steps back, allowing room for me to enter. I saunter in and immediately see her little sister on the couch with her little brother. I glance at her mother who is washing clothes. Her father must be in the mines.

"Hello," I greet.

"Hello," her mother says back.

"Hi," her younger siblings respond.

"We'll be in my room," Vanessa states while grabbing my hand. She leads me to her room which is located in the back of her house. She smiles mischievously while opening her bedroom door.

This is wrong. This is so wrong. I should've ended it. I should've ended it already.

"When did you need to go," she asks while sitting on her bed. She pats the spot next to her and I take it.

"In an hour or so," I announce.

"What's in an hour?"

"I told my family I would visit them today," I lie. She seems to believe me, though. I hate to lie to her, but Maysilee told me to get home by four. I am not taking any chances with her.

"We have plenty of time," she whispers.

"I guess so," I whisper back. She slowly scoots closer to me. I pretend not to notice. "Did anything happen while I was gone?"

The question takes her by surprise. "No." She puts herself in my lap and winds her hands around my neck. I automatically put my hands on her waist.

She leans in and kisses me. Again, it's an empty kiss. I feel nothing other than her lips against mine. She seems to notice.

"Is everything okay, Haymitch?"

"Yeah, I'm just not feeling like myself today."

"Oh."

"Sorry about that."

"No it's fine," she replies. She moves her hands from my neck to my back. I recoil from her touch. My back still hurts terribly.

"Is everything okay," she asks with genuine concern.

"Yeah, I just hurt my back. It's nothing major."

Vanessa doesn't seem too convinced. "Can I see?"

"What?"

"Can I see your back?"

"Sure," I reply.

She crawls behind me and removes my shirt gently. She gasps when she sees my bare back. Is it really that bad?

"What happened?"

"I fell down the stairs," I lie. Wow, I've been lying to her a lot lately.

"Oh," she says. I feel her fingers gingerly brush over the bruises. I close my eyes at her touch. "That was a pretty bad fall."

"Yeah," I reply. There is a moment of silence. "I should go."

"Okay. I hope you feel better."

"Thanks. I'm sorry I'm running out like this. I'll see you soon," I say as I put on my shirt. I exit her room. Vanessa follows closely behind.

I reach the front door and say goodbye to the rest of her family. They say goodbye back in a polite manner.

"Bye," I say to Vanessa.

"Bye," she replies.

I stroll out the front door and don't look back. I'm ashamed of myself. I should've been stronger. I should've told her, but I didn't. She loves me, but she doesn't know my heart belongs to Maysilee.

A/N-Sorry I haven't updated recently! Thanks for reading and thank you so much for the wonderful reviews! I really appreciate it! Review, please!


	7. I remember

A/N-Here's another chapter! Enjoy! It starts off where I left off yesterday. Flashbacks are in italics.

"How did it go," Maysilee asks as soon as I walk through the front door.

"Terrible."

"What happened?"

"I couldn't do it," I say as I sit down on the plush couch. Huh, she put the furniture back? When did she do that?

"Break up with her," she asks, interrupting my thoughts.

"Yeah." There's an awkward moment of silence.

"I know it's none of my business, but why is it so hard?"

"She loves me, May." I usually don't call her May, but I like the sound of it.

"You don't love her, right?"

"Right."

"Did you tell her you loved her?"

"Yes," I say in a barely audible voice.

"Why would you do that?"

"It was the day of the reaping," I say. "I didn't actually think I would win!"

"Damn, you're screwed."

I can't help but smirk. Maysilee never swears. "Thanks for that helpful information," I say sarcastically.

"You're welcome," she says, mimicking my tone. The silly moment is gone just as fast as it came, though. I sit there with my head in my hands. All of this crap is giving me a headache.

"You should end it."

"You think I don't know that," I snap. It comes out harsher than expected. Oh, who cares? I throw my hands up angrily. "I just can't!"

"Why," she asks sadly. It reminds me so much of a conversation we had the day before the Games started.

_I sit on the couch in front of the fancy television. This is where I sat when I received my training score. The room is completely silent. Everyone else is already asleep. I couldn't sleep. I probably should, though. I need some rest for tomorrow._

_ "You're still awake," a voice asks me. I look around to see Maysilee standing in the doorway. She looks as beautiful as ever in her white nightgown. _

_ "Yes, princess, I am," I snap. I feel bad for snapping at her, but I really don't want company. Why can't she see that?_

_ "Very funny," she says as she saunters toward me. She takes a seat next to me on the couch. I sigh, and she smirks. _

_ "If you can't tell, I'm not really in the mood for company."_

_ "Wow, really? I couldn't tell! You're just a ray of sunshine," she says sarcastically. _

_ "What do you want," I ask harshly. She begins to fiddle with her hands._

_ "I was just wondering if you wanted to be allies." Her words take me by surprise. Why would she want to be allies with me?_

_ "What?"_

_ "I mean, you're strong. You know how to survive. I probably have some sponsors, and I'm pretty good with weapons," she states. _

_ "Really? You're just another helpless merchant," I snap. The words hurt her, I can tell. I can't be allies with her, though. What if she gets killed? I could never forgive myself. We're better off if we go our separate ways. _

_ I feel a stinging on my cheek. I gaze into her pretty blue eyes. Did she seriously just slap me?_

_ "It's not my fault I'm from town! You know that, Mitch! I thought we were over that!"_

_ "We are," I sigh. She just doesn't understand. I don't think she ever will. _

_ "Why can't we be allies?"_

_ "We just can't!"_

_ "Why," she asks sadly. I want her to be happy, but this is for the best. _

_ "Good luck," I whisper as I amble out of the room. I pretend that I don't hear her crying that night. _

Maysilee doesn't seem to remember this, though. I'm glad. The memory might trigger violence. I remember the last time that happened.

"I don't want to hurt her," I respond after some time. She nods.

"You're hurting her by staying with her."

"I know." I know I am. For some reason, I just can't let her go.

I decide to change the subject. "Hey, Maysilee?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I'm sorry for being such a jerk to you," I say. I make sure not to say during the Games. I know better.

"It's fine. You didn't mean it," she says as she gives me a small smile. That action reminds me of another memory.

_ "Haymitch! Manners," Effie screeches. _

_ "Oh, manners! I'm so terribly sorry! How will I be able to live with myself," I say sarcastically. From the corner of my eye, I see Maysilee smiling a small smile. I can't help but think of how beautiful she looks. _

"You look so beautiful when you smile," I sigh. Her smile hasn't changed, even through death.

"Thanks," she says. "I always have loved your smirk."

This makes me laugh. I haven't laughed in such a long time. It feels natural. "What's so funny," she asks.

"Nothing," I say. "Only you can find a smirk attractive."

This makes her laugh. "Lucky you," she says once she's done chuckling.

"Lucky me," I say. I did not say this sarcastically, though. It could have been worse. Maysilee could have been gone forever, but she came back. She came back to me. "I still have you," I whisper.

"Really?"

"Really," I assure her. I want to tell her that I love her, but this is not the time.

"I never knew you were such a charmer," she jokes.

"There are a lot of things you don't know about me."

"I'm willing to learn." At her words, I want to wrap her in my arms. I want to feel her lips against mine. I want her to be mine, and I want to be hers. I'm about to, but Vanessa pops in my head. I'll have to remember this moment when I end it with her. This is why it won't work with her. Vanessa's many wonderful things, but she's not Maysilee.

"I'm going to go to bed," I announce. Maysilee nods. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

I climb up the stairs and mosey to my room. I immediately plop down on my bed. I just noticed how tired I am.

I close my eyes and begin to dream. My dreams are actually pleasant tonight.

A/N-I hope you liked this chapter! I know I'm making Haymitch into a sap, but that will change eventually. Don't worry! He'll be the sarcastic guy we all know and love. Anyway, review, please! Thanks for reading!


	8. A visit goes a long way

A/N- Here's another chapter! It takes place a day after where I left off yesterday. Enjoy! Don't forget to review! Oh, and I changed the summary of this story. Sorry if I confused anyone.

The early morning sunshine fills my room with annoying brightness. Can't it see I want to sleep? I just want to sleep. How hard is it to understand that?

I grudgingly get out of bed and get ready. I decide to visit my family today. I haven't seen them in awhile, and I need to get my mind of off all of the crap going on in my life right now.

Once I deem myself decent, I lazily exit my room and descend the stairs. I am about to announce my departure to Maysilee, but I realize she's not there. I shrug it off and continue my way out the door.

As I begin my journey to the Seam, I think of my family. I haven't seen them in quite some time. I did visit them, though, a couple of times last week. I guess I haven't gotten used to not seeing them regularly. I didn't expect to move out so soon. I don't think they did either.

My feet quickly carry me to my old house. I pass by some people on my way there, but I pay them no mind. My childhood home doesn't look any different then when I left it.

Before I know it, I am on the front porch and knocking loudly on the titanic wooden door. My mother eventually answers with a smiling face.

"Hi, mom," I greet.

"Hi, honey," my mother greets back. She pulls me into a warm embrace. "How are you?"

"I'm good. How are you?"

"Fine," she says as she leads me into the house. I follow her onto the old, worn couch. We both sit down as the couch sags under our weight.

"So, is Mason at school," I ask, trying to start some kind of conversation.

"I hope," she jokes. I give her a small chuckle.

"How's he doing?"

"Who, Mason? He's doing fine."  
"That's good."

"How's your new house?"

"Good," I answer a little too quickly. She doesn't seem to notice, though.

"Good, good. I was worried about you being in that big house all day, but I see you've found ways to spend your time."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you've spent time with me, Mason, Vanessa…"

"Yeah, I've kept myself busy," I reply.

"So, how are you and Vanessa doing?"

"Not so good."

"What's wrong?"

Right then, I regret my words. Why didn't I lie and tell her everything was great? I guess I'm tired of lying. "I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know? Something must've happened. You two were so cute together."

"It's just not the same."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, it's really complicated," I answer vaguely.

"We have plenty of time."

"Okay, fine. I met…someone recently. I didn't do anything with her or anything, but I think I…"

"You think you what?"

"Love her," I whisper.

"What about Vanessa," she asks gently.

"I don't know," I say loudly. "I can't break up with her, mom. I've tried, but she always manages to get me off track."

"How does she do that?"

"Last time she told me she loved me."

"Oh," she says as she pulls me into a tender squeeze, "my baby has it hard."

"Yeah," I agree, wrapping my hands around her frail figure. I feel like I'm a small child, but I don't care. I enjoy feeling like a child. Children don't have to worry about many things. It's a relief.

"So, who's this girl," she says as soon as she pulls me out of her warm hug.

"Maysilee," I whisper. I'm tired of lying.

"The girl that went to…"

I'm glad she didn't say the words. "Yes."

"Oh, honey," she says as she pulls me into another comforting embrace.

"I don't know what to do. I didn't have the heart to tell Vanessa. She wouldn't understand."

"You're probably right," she agrees as she pulls me out of her squeeze, "but you have to be honest with her."

"You're probably right."

"I'm so sorry this happened to you," she says as tears fill her eyes. "I hate to see you hurting."

"It's okay, mom," I say as I pull her into a hug.

"I'm sorry," she says as she wipes at her eyes. "I didn't mean to cry."

"Don't worry about it."

"Do you want anything," she asks while standing abruptly and walking to the kitchen.

"Sure."

"What would you like?"

"Can I have some bread, please?"

"Sure." My mother reaches into a cabinet and grabs a loaf of bread and begins to slice off some pieces.

While she's slicing and buttering the bread, I observe the room I'm in. Just like the exterior of the house, everything has remained unchanged.

My mother comes back with buttered bread on a plate and a warm smile.

"Here you go," she says as she hands me a slice.

"Thanks, mom."

"No problem, honey."

I devour my slice quickly and eat another shortly after. I didn't know I was so hungry.

I glance at my watch and see I've been here for awhile. "Thanks for having me, but I should probably get going," I announce.

"Okay, honey. You can visit me anytime. Don't forget that. I'm pretty lonely when Mason is at school."

"Okay," I say as I stand up. She mimics my actions and follows me to the door.

"Bye, honey! Don't forget to visit," she says as I'm at the door. I give her a quick squeeze and step onto the porch.

"I won't! Goodbye! Tell Mason I stopped by," I say as I leave. I wave at her and she waves back.

I begin my trek home. I run into many people. I smile politely at some, but I ignore most. I'm not that much of a people person, but my manners have vastly improved from the Games. I'm sure that will wear off eventually.

I arrive at my house after some time. I take a moment to really look at my house. It looks too perfect. I've learned to despise perfect.

I quickly enter my house. Maysilee sits causally on the couch in the living room. "Hello," I greet.

"Hi," she says back.

"Hey, where were you this morning?"

"I made a visit."

"To who?"

"My sister."

"Why would you do that," I scream. Why in hell would she do that?

"I'm lonely! You're barely home! What am I supposed to do when you're gone all day," she screams back.

"How did she react," I ask calmly. Both of us losing our tempers aren't going to get us anywhere.

"She was a little scared at first, but she got over it."

"Oh," I simply say as I take a seat next to her on the couch. "Try not to visit anyone else, okay? You never know what might happen."

"Why do you care," she snaps.

"I lost you once. Please, May. I don't want to lose you again."

A/N-Hello! What did you think of this chapter? Review, please! I don't know what you're thinking unless you review!


	9. Where did you go?

A/N-This takes place a day later and is in Haymitch's point of view. Letter is in italics. Enjoy!

The pen shakes in my quivering hand. I had an idea this morning. I decided that if I can't break up with Vanessa face-to-face, I can write her a letter. I really don't want to. I'd rather do it in person, but it looks like that is no longer an option. Why does she have to be so damn nice?

The only flaw in my plan is that I'm terrible with words. I always have been. I marvel at people whose words can flow freely and quickly, but yet are so carefully planned and precise. They make it look easy.

The desk I'm currently sitting in provides good lighting and comfortable seating. Maysilee has already stopped in a couple of times to ask how I'm doing, but I told her I'm fine. I locked the door the last time she visited. I need to concentrate.

This could take a long time. Now that I think this through, it's a terrible idea! How did I expect this to work? I can't do it.

I begin to write despite my negative thoughts.

_Dear Vanessa, _

_Hi! How are you? Listen, I need to tell you something. _

I stop for a moment and review my work. The whole thing is absolutely terrible. Maybe I should rethink this letter idea.

I crumple the piece of paper out of frustration and aimlessly toss it. I retrieve a new piece of paper and begin again.

_Dear Vanessa, _

_ I just wanted to say hi. Well, not exactly. I need to tell you something._

I pause and overlook my letter. It's…better. Man, I'm a dreadful writer. This version is simply awkward. I think that word fits it the best.

I spend what feels like hours trying to come up with a decent letter. I could just write something short and to the point, but I want to let her go nicely.

After awhile, I begin to get more and more frustrated. I rip my latest version of the stupid letter right in half. I didn't read it, but I bet it was as stupid as the other attempts.

"Haymitch," Maysilee calls from the other side of the door.

"What do you want," I yell back.

"Are you okay?"

"No."

"Do you need any help?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Can you please just leave me alone?"

"Fine," she screams back. "I was just trying to help!"

"You can help by leaving me alone."

"Gosh."

I take a few moments to make sure Maysilee left. I assume she did since I don't hear anything. Good. Maybe I can get this letter done before I turn eighty.

I try to start again. I actually think I'm doing pretty well. The words are flowing out easily. The wording seems to make sense. When I finish, though, I reread it. It's just as crappy as the others. Go figure.

"Damn this," I say rather loudly. I can't do this right now. My brain hurts and I'm not getting anywhere. Maybe I'll try again tomorrow.

I rise from the plush chair and unlock the door. I'm starving, so I decide to grab some lunch. I'm in the mood for a sandwich.

As I amble to the kitchen, I notice Maysilee is missing once again. Where the hell did she wander off to this time?

"Maysilee," I yell. I don't hear an answer. I thought I told her not to visit anyone. I should've known better. Maysilee is one of the most stubborn people I know.

I am immediately out the door to search for her. I decide to check her house first. That's where she went last time. Why does she do this to me? Doesn't she know she scares me half to death when she does this?

My fists begin to clench. I told her not to leave. Why can't she listen to me for once? Why did I think she would listen? I shouldn't be that stupid.

As I near her house, I begin to think. Why should I go? She can handle herself. She just proved that. She doesn't need me. Fine, I'll just go home.

I turn around and begin my trip home. Two can play at this game. I'll get her back. This should be a fun task.

I come to my house in a short amount of time. I storm through my front door. I am faced with a startled looking Maysilee.

"Hi," she says.

"Where the hell have you been," I ask immediately. I am not letting her get off the hook that easy.

"Nowhere. What makes you think that?"

"You weren't here. I called your name and everything. You didn't answer."

"I didn't hear you."

"You're lying! How could you not hear me! Just tell me where you were! That's all I want to know!"  
"I already told you I never left!"

"You did," I scream.

"I did not!"

"I'll find out," I shout as I stomp out of the room.

"You won't! I never went anywhere! Why won't you believe me?"

I enter my room and instantly fall into my bed. Today has been such a crazy day. I am positive Maysilee wasn't there. I wouldn't even care, but I would like for her to tell me when she's going to leave. Well, I actually do care. People would freak out if they saw her. I mean, she just can't walk the streets without a care.

It also concerns me that she didn't admit that she left. Why would she do that? She told me last time. She admitted everything. What was different this time? A million scenarios begin to run through my head. None of them are pleasant.

Could it be because she thought I would be disappointed with her? No, I don't think so. She wouldn't care. Is it because she hurt someone? Oh, no. Could she? She hurt me, but would she hurt someone else? I fall into a fitful sleep, praying that is not the case.

A/N-I'm sorry I haven't updated in a long time! I had writers block. Anyway, happy Father's Day! Please tell me your thoughts, too! I'd be happy to hear them!


	10. Secrets revealed

A/N-Here's another chapter! Enjoy!

Loud knocking awakens me from my slumber. I grunt in response. The knocking only continues. "Haymitch," a voice screams.

"I'm coming," I yell back. Since when did I become so popular?

I rub the sleepiness out of my eyes and make my way downstairs. I don't bother getting changed or anything of the sort. Why should I bother?

I make my way to the door and open it leisurely. I am faced with a frazzled looking Vanessa. She has fresh tears rolling down her face.

"What happened," I ask. She looks frightened.

"We're over," she responds.

"Wait, what? What happened, Vanessa?"

"We're over," she screams.

"Let's talk about this. What happened?" I reach for her hand. I notice a bruise on her wrist.

"Please, Haymitch," she replies as more tears make their journey down her cheeks.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she answers.

"How did you get that bruise? Who hurt you?"

"I can't say," she whispers. She backs away from me slowly. "I'm so scared."

"Why? What are you scared of?" I think I already know the answer.

"I can't say," she repeats. She turns around and begins to run. I chase after her in my pajamas. This is not how I wanted us to break up.

I sprint to her and catch her in no time. I always have been faster than Vanessa, so it was not hard for me.

"Let me go," she hisses as she squirms around in my arms.

"No," I respond forcefully. I tighten my grip and she cries out in pain. I immediately release my hold on her. "Are you okay?"

"No."

"I'm sorry." I pause, reconsidering if I should ask her this. I cautiously gaze at my surroundings. I don't see anyone.

I step closer to her. She doesn't shy away. "Did Maysilee hurt you," I whisper in her ear. She nods. "I'm so sorry," I whisper as I gently pull her into a hug.

Her tears flow freely now. "I'm so scared," she sobs.

"Don't worry," I say. "I won't let her hurt you ever again."

"How can you be so sure?"

"I'm not."

"Why me?"

"What?"

"Why does Maysilee hate me?"  
"She doesn't like that we're dating."

"Why?"

"I think she loves me."

"She's dead."

"I know."

"So, she's a ghost."

"Yes."

"You two can never be. Why is she so selfish?"

"What?"

"I mean, she's holding you back. She's not letting you be you. It should be your decision whether you date me or not, not hers."

"Vanessa."

"She the one who gave you those bruises, right? If she loves you, she wouldn't have done that."

"She couldn't help it," I screech. I pull myself out of our embrace. "She couldn't help it," I repeat in a lower volume.

"Why are you defending her?"

"Why are you pretending that you know everything about her? You don't know her! You don't know what she's like!"

"Oh my."

What?"

"You love her." I don't respond. "How can you love her? I thought you loved me."

"I did, Vanessa, but I don't anymore." The words are harsh, but the truth is the truth.

"I love you, Haymitch! I still do," she sobs.

"I'm sorry."

"We're over," she says as she leaves me. I begin to saunter back to my house as well.

My mind wanders to Maysilee. What am I going to do with her? She hurts the people I care about. What if she goes after my family next?

I arrive at my house quickly. I didn't notice the tears rolling down my face until now. I wipe them away. I don't cry.

"Are you okay," Maysilee asks as soon as I walk through the front door. I don't acknowledge her. "What happened?"

"You know damn well what happened," I growl. My response takes her by surprise, but she quickly regains her composure.

"What do I know?"  
"How could you hurt Vanessa? She didn't do anything to you!"

"You should've seen yourself! You have spent way too much time stressing over her. I did you a favor. You won't have to worry about her anymore. She ended it, right?"

"Yes."

"See? Now you won't have to worry about breaking up with her."

"I could've broken up with her without your help."  
"Really?"

"Really. I don't need your help. I'm a grown man. I can handle myself."

Her eyes begin to turn black at my response. "Oh, really? If I recall, I can remember saving your life during the Games. Did I get a thank you? No. My help is never appreciated." My body is thrust against the wall. "Where were you when I was dying? You were playing at the edge of a cliff."

"I tried," I whisper as I am shoved into the wall. "I really did."

"Yes, but I'm still dead." I wince as I feel a force propel me into the hard wall.

"I never meant for that to happen."

"Say what happened." I don't respond. "Say it," she screams as I collide with the wall once more.

"You died." I brace myself for the impact that never comes.

"That I did," she says as she takes deep breaths. "I did," she repeats.

"You can control yourself, May. I believe in you."

Her eyes become a little lighter. She looks at me and begins to mumble to herself. I don't understand a word she says.

"We can finally be together," I whisper.

My words turn her eyes a little lighter. "We can."

"I forgive you for what you did."

Her eyes are almost back to normal. "Really?" I nod.

"We have our whole futures in front of us, and I want to share mine with you."

Her eyes finally return back to normal. I am so relieved. "I want to share mine with you." We fall into silence.

"You're getting better," I say, trying to break the awkward silence between us.

"Huh?"

"It was easier to break you out of your trance."

"Yeah, thanks to you. I couldn't get through it without you."

"I'm here for you."

"As I am for you," she says with a smile. I smile back. For that moment I forget about what just happened. I lose myself in her smile.

A/N- I hope you liked it! Tell me your thoughts! I don't bite!


	11. Better off dead

A/N- Sorry about the wait. Thanks to everyone who reviewed! They really made my day! Enjoy! Notes are in italics.

Disclaimer- I forgot to do this for the last chapters. Oops. Well, I guess you already know I don't own the Hunger Games.

The next few days pass me in a haze. I don't leave the house. My body aches from what happened on the previous day. I've grown used to the pain, though.

I lock myself in my room and only come out to eat. Maysilee worries about me, but I shrug her concerns off. I really don't care at this point. I don't dare tell her this, though. The fading bruises that cover my back are a painful reminder the last time I stood up to her.

Spending all of this time alone has made me think. The usual occupies my mind. Over this time, I have decided on some things. Maysilee is like a snake. She can be so kind and appealing at one moment, but she can snap at the next. Vanessa is more like a dog. She's kind, loyal, and sweet. If we're being honest here, though, I'm not a dog person.

Today is no different from any other day. I don't know why I don't leave. I guess I don't have anything else to do. I also don't want to talk to Maysilee, either. I'm still angry with her. I don't dare tell her this, though.

"Haymitch," Maysilee calls through the door.

"What do you want?"

"You have to get out of the house! You haven't done anything for days!"

I grunt, hoping she gets the hint. I don't want to do anything. I want to sit here and do nothing. It's pretty peaceful.

Of course, she doesn't get the hint. She just keeps ranting. "Fine! I'll leave," I scream. I'll do anything to get her to shut up.

"Good."

I prepare myself to visit my mother again. I can't think of anywhere else to go. Mason might even be there today. It'll be like a mini family reunion.

Once I'm decent looking, I exit my room and slam the door loudly. I want her to know I do not want to leave. I'm also still kind of upset about my breakup with Vanessa. Does anyone care? No. Does anyone understand? I don't think I quite understand.

I don't even tell her goodbye when I leave. I know I'll be hearing about it later. I regret my actions, but not enough to go back and apologize.

My feet carry me to my old house. The journey is familiar to me. Once I reach it, I begin to panic immediately.

The door is wide open and the curtains are closed. My mother never leaves the door open. Maybe it's nothing, but there's a queasy feeling in my stomach telling me otherwise.

I hurry through the front door, but stay at the threshold. "Mom!" I don't receive an answer. "Mason!" I am met with silence. "Anybody!" The queasy feeling worsens.

I take cautious steps inside. There has to be a logical explanation for this. I just can't think of one right now.

As I am observing the kitchen, I see a note plopped in the middle of the kitchen. I breathe a sigh of relief. That's probably a note explaining where she went. Even though these thoughts are comforting, the queasiness does not disappear.

As I pick up the note, I notice that this is not a note from my mother. Her handwriting is not this neat. Oh, no. I begin to read with a new fear.

_Dear Haymitch, _

_I probably bet you're wondering what's going on. If you didn't know, I was not happy with the little stunt you pulled in the arena. You are supporting thoughts that are dangerous. I have finally thought of a way to maintain those thoughts. I left you some surprises. I think you'll be able to find them. _

_Sincerely, _

_ President Snow_

_P.S.-I'm sorry for your loss. _

What the hell! What is he talking about! I didn't lose anything. Did he mean Maysilee? No. Could he? What surprises did he leave me?

I dash around the house. I scream names. Nobody ever answers. It's driving me insane.

I eventually stumble along something in Mason's room. It looks like Mason. There's a sack over his head. I can't really tell, though.

"Mason?" The figure doesn't move. "Mason?" I poke it, but it still doesn't move. I see another note taped on the bag.

_He really thought you would save him. _

No. This can't be happening. It's all a prank. My family is just trying to mess with me. This isn't real.

"Seriously, Mason. This isn't funny. Get up." I expect him to remove the material from his head and start laughing, but that doesn't happen. "Mason," I say as I whip the fabric off of him. I forget how to breathe.

This can't be real. It's just another nightmare. Part of me knows this is real, though. I just don't want to believe it.

I lean in and check his pulse. Nothing. He's dead. My little brother is dead. _I_ was supposed to be the one that died. They weren't supposed to get hurt. President Snow's games just aren't fair.

"Mason," I say, even though I know he won't answer. Tears roll down my cheeks rapidly, and I don't attempt to dry them.

A new terror makes itself known as I remember my mother. "Mom!" No one answers. I begin to open closets and pantries. He specifically said surprises.

I find another body in one closet. "Mom," I sob. She has a fabric bag covering her face, too. There's another message attached to it.

_ She just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time. _

What? My mom is always here. I remove the sack from her face and cry harder. It's not my mom. It's Vanessa.

I take her cold wrist and check for a pulse. I already know she's dead, but I can dream.

"I'm sorry," I weep. "This is all my fault."

I need to know if my mom is here, too. Maybe she was out when it happened. Maybe she escaped. Maybe she's dead like the others.

"Mom!" I run throughout my entire house, but I can't find her. There is one place that I haven't checked yet. That's my room. I'm scared of what I might find.

I stride to my room. I'm in no hurry. Once I finally reach it, I turn the doorknob unhurriedly. More sobs come when I see another motionless corpse in the middle of my room.

"Mom," I whimper. I run over to her. She also has a bag on her head. There is a note adhered to this one, too.

_She wouldn't stop screaming your name. She was the first to go._

I remove the sack from her head and gaze into her lifeless eyes. I remember those eyes sparkling with excitement. I glance at her mouth. She always had on a warm smile. I stare at her nose. That nose used to scrunch.

The shock grabs me and doesn't release me. My brain can't process what is going on. Maybe this is just another one of my nightmares, but I know that's not the case. Everyone's dead because of me. I'm better off dead with the rest of them.

A/N-I hope you like this chapter. It's sad, but it happened in the book. What did you think? Drunk Haymitch next chapter! Review, please!


	12. Numb

A/N- Thanks to everyone who reviewed! I hope you'll enjoy this next chapter!

My feet lug me to the nearest bar. I heard drinking takes away the pain. I don't want to feel the pain anymore.

When I enter, I become nervous. The people look rough, and they stare at me with cold eyes. I go straight to the counter and sit on a swivel chair in front of it. I ask the bartender for a beer. My father used to drink beer on special occasions. The bartender comes back with a bottle that smells of the substance. I thank her, and she goes off to serve another customer.

I warily lift the bottle to my lips and take a small gulp. I gag and sputter on the awful substance. It tastes bitter. I observe the drink in disgust.

"Is that your first beer," an old man near me asks. I nod. "It gets better with time," he says as he gulps down his own beer.

"Thanks," I mutter.

"Don't mention it," he looks like he just got back from the mines. His fingernails are caked with coal dust as well as his clothes. This is what my future could have been like if I didn't win the Games. "Are you going to drink that?"

I snap put of my thoughts and quickly take another swig. "You're right. It does get better," I lie.

He thinks for a moment before speaking again. "What is a young lad like you doing in a place like this?"

"Maybe I wanted to try a beer." I know he doesn't believe me, but he doesn't pry for information. "What brings you here?"

"My daughter is getting married," he answers while taking another long gulp of his beer. I mimic his actions.

"That doesn't sound that bad." I don't know why I'm consoling him, but he's just so likable.

"I guess my gut instinct is to go for a beer," he says as he chuckles lightly. I grant him a smile. "I have to get going before my wife begins to worry," he says as he finishes his alcohol. He digs out some cash and sets it on the counter. "Please, tell the bartender to keep the change."

"Will do."

"Oh, and try not to drink too much."

"Okay," I lie. He stares at me one last time before exiting the bar. He begins his way to the Seam.

"He said to keep the change," I tell the bartender when she comes near me.

"Thanks," she replies as she takes the money in her hands. "That old man has a great soul," she states as she counts the bills.

"That he does," I agree, not knowing why I am bothering to talk to her. The beer is messing with my brain. I just realize I have drunk my beer already. I take a second to look at the bartender. She has blonde hair like Maysilee as well as bright blue eyes. Maysilee's eyes were prettier, but hers are beautiful as well.

"Can I have another beer, please?"

"Sure," she says as she collects my empty bottle. She comes back a little later with another full bottle. The memories of my family slowly begin to fade. I disappear into my own little world.

I drink bottles and bottles of beer. The old man was right. I actually like the taste now. "I need another beer," I call over to the bartender who is currently helping another man.

"Just give me a minute," she calls back. I wonder what a pretty blonde girl is doing in a place like this. I look around and take in my surroundings. This place isn't so scary anymore. The people are loud and rowdy, but not as intimidating as I originally thought. Anyway, I bet I could take any one of them.

The bartender comes over and gives me another beer. I don't even remember how many I've had. This time, though, her hand lingers on the bottle. My fingers brush against hers. She removes her hand after that.

"I never caught your name," she announces. I smirk. I know she already knows my name.

"Haymitch," I slur.

"My name's Jenny."

"That's a pretty name."

"Thanks," she says as she blushes. Why would I say her name is pretty? It is, but when do I openly compliment people? I take another mouthful at my beer. That's what it must be. The beer is messing with my brain, but I kind of like it.

I drink my beer quickly. I love this tingling feeling. I feel so free. For the first time in my life, I feel free. I forget about my troubles.

"Jenny!"

"What do you want, Haymitch?"

"I need another beer," I slur.

"You've had enough beer. Your hangover is going to be terrible as it is."

"Hangover?"

"You'll find out soon enough."

"I want a beer," I whine.

"No."

"Jenny…"

"It's for your own good."

"Please?"

"I'll go get your bill," she sighs. She comes back with it.

"Here," she says as she hands it to me. My eyes widen. I drank a lot.

"There you go," I say as I give her a wad of cash. "Keep the change." I mosey out the door. I steal one glance behind me and see her eyes enlarge as she sums up the cash. I wonder how much I gave her. I didn't bother to count.

"Thank you," she yells as I saunter out the door.

I stumble home in the darkness. I trip over my feet a few times. When I finally reach my house, I enter. I am greeted with darkness.

"I'm home," I call out. I don't know if it's intelligible. I begin to panic. I start to remember the silence I was met with when I entered my old home. I remember the lifeless faces and the vacant looks in their eyes.

"I'm glad your back," Maysilee says as she emerges from the kitchen. "What took you so long?"

"My family is dead," I say as I begin to bawl. Maysilee pulls me into her icy arms. "Vanessa was killed, too."

"By who?"

"President Snow," I whisper as I feel a pain in my chest begin to surface.

"I'm so sorry," she murmurs. She rubs my back lightly in a comforting manner.

I thought alcohol was supposed to make the pain disappear. For me, it just made the pain fuzzy. The ache was only numbed for a little bit, and it just came back full force.

A/N-I'm sorry if I didn't do well writing the bar scene. I don't drink. Anyway, I want to thank you for reading and please review!


	13. A promise that will not be kept

A/N-Thanks to everyone who reviewed last chapter! They really made my day! Enjoy!

Jenny was right. The hangover is terrible. My head is killing me and I wretched the moment I got up.

"Haymitch," Maysilee calls in a sing song voice.

"What the hell do you want," I yell back from my bed. My head throbs painfully.

"Why don't you try to eat something?"

"Why don't you leave me alone?"

"Come on, Mitch. I know you're hurting. I'm only trying to help you," she states through the door.

"I don't care what you're trying to do. I am not getting out of this bed," I announce. Why should I? Everyone I love is dead. Why shouldn't I join them? Death is supposed to be peaceful, right?

"Please," she begs, interrupting my thoughts.

"No."

"I know it's none of my business, but I don't like you drinking."

"You're right; it is none of your business."

"Mitch…"

"Go away."

"Haymitch," she sighs.

"Go away!" I don't hear a reply, so I assume she left. I am trapped in a room with my frightening thoughts.

I wonder if I could get another beer. The taste still lingers on my tongue. The idea of freedom remains on my mind, even though it is just an illusion. The alcohol made the ache subside, even if it was for a short amount of time. I don't think I can take the pain head on. The hangover is a small price to pay.

I soundlessly prepare myself to go out in public and exit my room. I tiptoe down the stairs and make my way to the front door.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"When did you become my mom," I say as tears fill my eyes. I didn't mean to bring up my mom, but things just happen. The tears slowly tumble down my cheeks, and I make no effort to wipe them.

"I'm sorry, Mitch," she says as she envelopes me in her arms. I shiver involuntarily and break free. She looks hurt, but does not say anything.

"I don't need your sympathy," I growl. "I'm not a charity case." She doesn't try to stop me as I stomp out of the house.

The gentle breeze helps the tears dry. I wipe the remaining tears. I don't need Jenny's sympathy, either. I don't need anyone, really. I can do fine by myself. No. That's a lie. I'm a drunken mess and it's only been one day since their deaths…

I enter the bar and am startled by the chaos. It's as busy as yesterday.

"Hi, Jenny," I greet the blonde. She turns around from behind the counter and greets me with a bright smile. Not as bright as Maysilee's, of course.

"Hey," she replies. "What do you want today?"

"Beer."

"Okay," she says as she drags out the word.

"What," I snap.

"Nothing," she responds quickly. She scurries off and grabs a beer. She sets it in front off me and offers a shy smile.

"Thanks," I mutter.

"No problem."

I sip my beer and observe the bar. The bitter liquid is better than I remembered. The bar, however, remains unchanged. It's as rowdy as usual. People shout and scream. A few fight. I don't get involved in anything. I'm just here for the beer.

I finish my drink and ask Jenny for another one. It's like yesterday all over again. I drink until my brain goes fuzzy and then I go home. I give Jenny another huge wad of cash and she thanks me appreciatively.

As I stumble home, I feel free again. I don't feel anything holding me back. The illusion feels so real. I feel as if I never served a part in the Hunger Games. As if I never killed anyone. In this world, everyone I love is alive. Too bad it's not real.

I make my way home after much stumbling and falling. I probably smell like alcohol, but I don't care. I'm on cloud nine.

I barge into my house and am greeted by a scowling Maysilee. "I told you I didn't like you drinking."

"I told you that it wasn't any of your business."

"Haymitch, I don't want you to become a drunk. You're better than that!"

"Really?"

"Yes!"

"Why are you so upset," I slur.

"Why am I upset? You know damn well why I'm upset!"

"Actually, I don't," I say with a laugh. I don't know what's funny, but it's fun to laugh.

"How many drinks did you have," she demands.

"I dunno."

"How many?"

"A lot," I answer with another chuckle.

"Come on, Haymitch."

"What?"

"I'm worried about you."

"Don't be. I'm perfectly fine!"

"No you're not!"

"Yes I am!"

"Whatever," she sighs as she throws her hands up in defeat. "Do whatever you please! I don't give a damn anymore!"

"Why are you so upset?"

"Why are you giving up?"

"Giving up on what?"

"Your life!"

"No I'm not!"

"Yes you are!"

"I can't believe you would say that after what happened," I scream, snapping out of my drunken state for a moment.

"It's fine for one day, but two days is a little much."

"What did you expect me to do? I loved them! I loved them with all my heart!"

"I know," she sighs. "I know. Haymitch, I promise it'll be better."

"No it won't," I wail. I totally lose myself in my emotions and begin to sob. "My mother is dead, my father is dead, my brother is dead, Vanessa is dead, and you're dead. I have no one left!"

"I'm right here," she soothes as she wraps her arms around my shaking figure.

"You're dead! It's all my fault," I weep. Oops.

I can see her eyes darken and her arms tighten around me. She breathes in and out as she mumbles things. "It's not your fault. I'm the one who left you in the arena."

"You controlled yourself."

"I'm getting better," she admits. She sighs before speaking again. "Please don't drink."

"I won't," I promise. I think we both know I'm going to break that promise.

A/N-I'm sorry for the long wait! I had writer's block. Thanks for putting up with me, and I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Did you notice the new review button? Why don't you try it out!


	14. Memories

A/N-I'm so sorry for the long wait! Enjoy!

Maysilee gets better with time. She's gotten much better at controlling herself. She still hurts me occasionally, but that's usually when I come home drunk. That's often. That doesn't stop me from drinking, though. I'm addicted. As much as I hate to say it, I turned into a drunk. Maysilee was right.

Being drunk all the time isn't that bad. Your emotions are intensified. I forget about my family. I forget about Maysilee. I forget about…Vanessa. I feel guilty. I feel so very guilty.

When the Peacekeepers found their bodies, they said they died from unknown circumstances. They said it was some kind of sickness. Everyone knew, though. The Peacekeepers knew, too. No one dared to say it. We all pretended we believed their excuses.

I went to their funerals. I stayed sober for them, too. It was very hard. I was overcome with memories of my family and Vanessa. I pretended that Vanessa and I were still together. I didn't feel like explaining what happened. Her mother looked at me funny, but I pretended like I didn't notice. That's all I do nowadays. I always pretend. After I saw their corpses, though, I hid in the bathroom and cried.

After their funerals, I ran to the bar. Jenny immediately gave me a beer. I like Jenny a lot. She didn't say anything about my teary eyes or my drinking habits like Maysilee did. As soon as I got home, Maysilee immediately commented on my tear brimmed eyes and how much I drank. I got many bruises that night.

The next few days were miserable. I was reminded of everything. I remembered the pretty arena where Maysilee was murdered. I remembered the innocent looking house where my family was killed. I remembered the last words I spoke to Vanessa. I never left the house when the memories came back.

That is how my life played out for months. I locked myself in the house and drowned myself in beer. I stared longingly outside. I wanted to go outside, but it held too many painful memories.

No one dared to visit me. I was known as the drunken mentor. People said our tributes had no chance with me as a mentor. I was truly offended. I would do all in my power for one of our tributes to make it out when the time came.

That time eventually did come. Maysilee comforted me, but nothing could have prepared me for what was to come. That Reaping was almost as terrible as mine. For a minute, I was back on that stage with the three other tributes. I stared at the new tributes. They were both from the Seam. They were so tiny and pure. I didn't want them to lose that, but I had no say.

For the next few weeks, I helped them in any way I could. I missed Maysilee. She wouldn't come. She said it would bring back too many painful memories. I know the tributes brought many horrifying memories. The little boy reminded me so much of Mason. He was about the same age as him, too. The girl was much older. She reminded me a lot of Vanessa, but much more quiet.

When training came, I told them to show off their strengths. I told them to be fearless. I wished I could hold them and tell them it was okay. I know that was what I longed for before I went into the arena. I wanted comfort that I never got.

I decided to talk to them the night they received their training scores. I found out the girl's name was Lilac, like the flower. The boy's name was Alexander, but he preferred Alex. I should've known this from the Reaping, but I was lost in my own reverie at the time. I had told them to try to grab something far away from the Cornucopia before running away. I instructed them to find cover and water immediately. They looked frightened, but they tried to appear brave in front of me. I assured them I would do everything to keep them alive. The seemed utterly grateful.

I couldn't sleep the night before the actual Games began. I wasn't the only one either. I heard Alex crying from the room next to me. He was a great kid, and he deserved the reassurance I never got.

He was very surprised when I entered his room. I ignored his shock. I strode straight to his bed and wrapped him in my arms. He sobbed into my shirt for the rest of the night.

"Thank you," he whispered after his cries had stopped. We fell into silence.

"You remind me a lot of my little brother," I whispered into the darkness. I don't know if he heard me, but I hope he did.

We didn't speak for the rest of the night. I waited until he fell asleep before I left. I entered my room and fell into a restless slumber.

When the Games arrived, it was as scary and horrifying as I remembered it. Alex had puffy eyes when he woke up. I pretended like I didn't notice. He stared at me with wide eyes. I whispered calming words.

Lilac, however, put on a brave face. I patted her shoulder in a soothing matter. She didn't even glance in my direction. She was determined to remain fearless, just like I had told her.

I watched them closely from the very moment they entered the arena. I was secretly rooting for Alex. He was such a sweet boy, but Lilac was such a daring spirit. I didn't want to pick one, so I tried to help them both.

It was no use. They both died the first day in the arena. The Career tributes killed them both. The worst part was that they didn't die quickly. They died a slow and painful death. I drank myself to sleep that night.

Now, I am awaiting their funerals. I am going to attend. I'll try to ignore their family members blaming me for their deaths. I'll try to pretend I don't see their hateful glares. I'll probably end up crying in the bathroom before the night is over.

A/N-I'm sorry for the long wait! Review, please! I hope you liked it!


	15. The tributes that changed everything

A/N-Heyo! What's up? The sky! Ha! Get it? Enjoy!

Disclaimer-I don't own the Hunger Games. If I did, Peeta and Katniss would have ended up together sooner.

Years pass by slowly. None of the tributes I mentor win. That is until the 74th Hunger Games.

I remember the Reaping vaguely. I was very drunk. I do kind of remember messing up Effie's wig. I also remember her looking very irritated, which I smirked at.

I do recall a little blonde girl getting reaped. The blood had drained from my face. She was too tiny. She was too innocent. She had no chance to survive the brutal Games.

I hate to say that I was relieved when her older sister volunteered. I don't think I could've mentored that little girl. The sister looked like she had a good chance at winning, too. She looked strong and determined.

The boy that was reaped was from town. He looked scared and very surprised. I hated to admit it, but I never thought he could survive. He looks strong, but he didn't seem to have that burning determination that the girl had. I hated picking one tribute, but it has worked out better the previous Games.

The last thing I remember from the Reaping is running my mouth and falling off the stage. Our district must be a laughingstock to the other districts. I don't care, though.

I drank a lot on the train. The little blonde girl haunted me in my dreams. Her sister, Katniss, reminded me a lot of myself when I was her age, so that didn't help with my nightmares.

The boy, Peeta, obviously liked her. The way he looked at her said it all. During the Opening Ceremonies, they even held hands. I know Cinna told them to do it, but it was obvious neither of them minded.

I told them to stick together during training. I also told them not to show their talents. I learned from experience that that was the best approach to take.

I was right about Katniss. She got a training score of eleven. That's the highest score I've ever seen. Peeta got a good score too, but I have my mind made up on Katniss. I liked Peeta, though. He reminded me of Maysilee in a way.

I tried the best I could to prepare them for the interviews. Words seemed to be Peeta's strength, but they also seemed to be Katniss' weakness. I could only hope she would somehow pull it off.

When the interviews came, I was so surprised that Katniss seemed…likable. She was so hostile towards me. I don't think I've ever seen her not glaring until the interview. I don't know how she did it, but she did.

Peeta was as amazing as I expected him to be. I was sure he could get some sponsors just from his interview. I couldn't help but smile when Peeta announced he loved Katniss. He didn't say that exactly, but I know he was thinking it.

I wasn't surprised, either. He had kind of hinted that he would say something like that. I glanced in Katniss' direction. She looked very confused.

I just remember walking back from the interviews and seeing Peeta with shards of glass in his hands. Katniss looked pissed. I had a pretty good guess at what happened.

I calmed her down by trying to convince her that Peeta was helping. She believed it. Peeta had on an expression I couldn't quite place as he said something about her boyfriend. Things got really awkward after that.

Once when I had Peeta alone, I decided to talk with him. I think he deserved to know.

"She likes you, you know," I told him. He looked at me with confusion.

"I seriously doubt it," he muttered.

"I'm not kidding. She really does."

"Oh, yeah? How?"

"Trust me," I said as I sauntered away. I just wanted him to know. I wanted to give him some reassurance. I had an idea…

When the Games began, I was a nervous wreck. She just had to make it through the Bloodbath. If she made it past that, then she stood a great chance. She was a hunter; she knew how to get food and use a weapon.

She almost didn't make it. That stupid girl from District 2 almost killed her. She was so close to death. I told her not to be tempted by the goodies in the Cornucopia. Did she listen to me? No. She's lucky she survived.

Peeta joined the Careers just as planned. I liked him too much to have him go alone. At least he had a better chance with the Careers. He made it through the Bloodbath, too. I have to say, I was happy for him, too.

The Games were very exciting. My tributes made it very far, but they went through a lot. Katniss got burned from fireballs and then got trapped by the Careers. I thought she was a goner, but she came up with a brilliant plan with a little help from the girl from 11. The tracker jackers she threw on them didn't hurt Peeta that bad, so I was utterly relieved. Two people did die from her attack, though. Her first kills.

Katniss went back to retrieve that stupid bow and arrow. I was screaming at her in my head. The Careers were coming. They were not happy.

Peeta ran through the bushes and scared the crap out of me. I thought it was the boy from District 2. He told her to run and she did. She did get her bow and arrow at least.

The boy from District 2, Cato, came shortly after and saw the small exchange. He was furious. He fought with Peeta for a while, but they were both very disoriented from the bites. No one really got hurt until Cato made a huge gash in Peeta's leg with his sword.

Peeta had already killed a couple of people. I have to say, I didn't think he had it in him. It's not like he was violent, though. He made it quick and fast. I'm positive, though, he did it for the Careers. He didn't want to be discarded. I don't blame him.

Things turned up for Katniss when she allied with Rue. She acted like her big sister. They got very close after Rue treated her tracker jacker stings.

With good always comes the bad. Their plan to blow up the supplies was going great. The District 11 girl, Rue, had set the first two fires. Katniss was aiming at the bag of apples. Everything was going as planned. She set off the bombs and blew up the supplies. It was definitely a feat for them.

When Katniss eventually began looking for Rue, though, everything began crumbling. Rue was nowhere to be seen. Katniss looked where Rue should've met her, but she wasn't there. She also looked where Rue should've lit the third fire, but she realized it was never lit.

Katniss began to get really worried. I could see it in her eyes. That is until Rue whistled their little tune. Katniss whistled back. It was like the calm before the storm. Just like that, Rue began screaming.

Katniss sprinted through the woods towards the direction of the little girl's voice. She screamed Rue's name over and over. I prayed the other tributes didn't hear her.

When she arrived at the clearing, she was there long enough to see the spear enter Rue's stomach. She was wide eyed for a moment before her hunter instincts kicked in. She lodged an arrow into the stupid boy's throat without hesitation.

Rue's death was the saddest things I've seen. Katniss sang her an old lullaby from the Seam as her life slowly faded away. Katniss was reaching hysterics by the end of it. I have to admit that the girl has a great voice.

I thought she was leaving Rue when she got up, but she covered her in flowers instead. I scolded her in my head. If she was to win, the Capitol would make her pay for this. I knew it would come back and haunt her. What I didn't know was that she would do worse things. The Capitol was not going to like Katniss Everdeen.

A/N-Sorry for the long wait! I saw the Katy Perry movie today, though, and was inspired to write this chapter. Did anyone see it? I loved it, personally. Anyway, review, please! :D


	16. Don't leave me

A/N- I realized that I messed up some things in the last chapter, and I did fix it. It was a filler chapter. I needed it to lead into this one. The story will be ending soon… Enjoy! Oh, and thanks to everyone who reviewed! I really appreciate it!

Disclaimer-I do not own the Hunger Games.

The Games ended up as I had planned. Everything worked out perfectly. Katniss and Peeta both made it out. That was exactly what we needed to start a revolution.

"That sounds dangerous," Maysilee says after I explained my plan to her.

"Everything is decided. We just have to wait."

"What if you get hurt," she asks as she lays her icy hand on my arm.

"I'll be alright," I assure her.

"Haymitch…"

"I promise," I say as I lean in for a kiss. I feel butterflies in my stomach as our lips touch. Hers are freezing, but I don't care. I finally get to kiss her.

She pulls away first to look into my eyes. She cups my cheek and kisses me again gingerly. "I've waited so long to do that," she says with a giggle.

"Me, too."

She does something weird, though. She stares over my shoulder as her eyes get wide. She shakes her head slowly. I look over my shoulder to see what she's staring at, but I don't see anything unusual.

"I love you. You know that, right," she whispers urgently. I nod, scared by the intensity in her voice.

"I love you, too," I whisper back. She smiles, but it quickly disappears. "What's the matter?"

"You have to promise me something. It's very important."

"What is it?"

"You have to move on."

"What are you talking about?"

"I've done all I can. I can't stay here much longer," she says as she gazes over my shoulder again. I look behind me again, but I don't see anything.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"I'm holding you back. You have to let go."

"I'm not losing you," I whisper frantically.

"Haymitch, please…"

"I've lost everyone I love! I don't want to add you to the list!"

"I don't want to leave you, Mitch."

"Then don't!"

"I _have_ to. I would stay if I could."

"Why can't you stay?"

"I just can't!"

"I need you," I whisper desperately as I grasp her hand.

"There will come a day when you'll understand. I would've held you back from being very happy. I would've kept you stuck in the past."

"No you wouldn't have! You would have made me happy."

"That's sweet, but we both know it's not true."

"Please don't leave me here alone."

"You won't be alone. I promise," she says as she removes her hand from mine. She saunters towards the spot she's been staring at. I grab her hand in one final act of desperation.

"Please," I say in a pleading voice. She looks at me with sad eyes. I believe she'll stay with me. We could do the things we never had a chance to do. We could kiss when it's raining outside. We could whisper sweet things in each other's ear. We could dance to old songs. We could make fun of Effie like old times.

"No," she says strongly. The words hit me with great force. She's just willing to throw this all away? I haven't been myself lately. I could change for her if that's what she wants. Would she stay if I stopped drinking? Would she stay of I stopped crying at night? Would she stay if my nightmares stopped?

"I could change," I whisper, refusing to let her go. She's the only thing I have left.

"I don't want you to. The only thing I want is for you to let me go."

"I won't."

"I'll give you one last dance to remember me by, okay?" She doesn't wait for my answer. She wraps her arms around my neck while my hands find a place on her waist. She's so cold.

She buries her head in my chest while I bury my face in her hair. Tears begin to roll down my face as we sway side to side. She's not coming back this time. She'll really be gone.

She begins to hum a song I don't know, but I don't say anything. I just marvel in the sweet sound of her voice. I try to memorize this moment. I need to remember it.

She stops humming her tune to place a tender kiss to my lips. "I love you."

"I love you, too," I respond.

She slowly walks to the spot she has been staring at. I let her go. I know she won't listen to me. Hopefully this is just another bad dream.

"Goodbye, Mitch. I'll always love you," she says as she disappears into midair.

"I'll always love you, too," I murmur to the spot where she used to be.

I don't know why, but I wait. I wait for this nightmare to be over. It never ends, though. This nightmare isn't a nightmare at all, it's reality.

"Maysilee," I scream. No one answers. I didn't expect anyone to. That's when the tears come.

She left me. She actually left me. Why would she do such a thing? I loved her, and now she's gone forever.

The bar is the only place I could think of going. People stare at me as I sprint there. "Yeah, I'm crying," I yell at them. They avert their gazes after that.

I barge through the bar's doors and take a seat at the counter. "Give me the strongest thing you have," I order Jenny.

"Hello to you, too," she jokes, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes. She looks concerned.

She brings me back a glass of something that I don't recognize. I immediately chug it down. The taste makes me scrunch my face. It is strong. It's very strong. I'll do whatever it takes to forget about Maysilee, though.

I stumble home after many more drinks and useless chatter. The drinks work. I forget about Maysilee. I forget about everything.

I arrive at my house and open the door. "I'm home," I yell. I wince. No one is here anymore except me. It's going to take some getting used to.

I stagger up the stairs and lay in my bed. I fall into a world of nightmares. Too bad the nightmares are just memories.

A/N-Review, please!


	17. Just let go

A/N-Enjoy! The last chapter!

Disclaimer-I do not own the Hunger Games.

The Rebellion was won. The Capitol was overthrown. The Hunger Games no longer exist. Katniss and Peeta finally wed. Everything seemed perfect. If Maysilee was still in my life it would be.

I decided to do something that I have been reluctant to do until now. I_ need_ to do Maysilee's last request. I_ need_ to let her go.

I dress in nice clothing and exit my house. I start walking to Maysilee's grave. I know the path very well from my many visits.

I pick some flowers on the way there as an afterthought. I thought it would be nice. I wonder if anyone else puts flowers on her grave. I don't even know if anyone else visits her. I would think her family would, but I've never seen them there.

When I arrive, I put the flowers on her grave immediately. I look around to make sure no one is here. There's not a person in sight.

"Hi, May," I begin. "I don't know where to begin," I admit, chuckling nervously.

"I guess I'll just start from the beginning. Uh, the Rebellion was fine. Everything went as planned. Peeta was hijacked, though. I don't know if you heard that. I thought Katniss was going to lose him. It was an odd coincidence. She almost lost him like I lost you."

I take a deep breathe. I don't want to start crying. I should change the subject. "They remind me a lot of us. Katniss is the stubborn girl from the Seam, kind of like me. I'm not a girl, obviously, but you know. Peeta reminds me of you. It was almost as if I was looking in the past. They both had a rough start, but everything seems to be looking up for them. They got married and everything. She's even pregnant." I start to tear up again. We would've gotten married. We would've had kids.

"I still don't know what you meant by being happy without you. I have no one. I started drinking more. I don't even bother to get out of bed on most days. I've gotten some geese, though. Thank God they can pretty much take care of themselves."

I take a pause. I don't know where to go from here. "I guess I came here for some closure. You told me I had to let go. I don't know exactly what that means, but I'll try. I'll _try_, but I don't have any guarantees. I love you. You know that. That's the only reason I'm going to give this a shot."

I sit down in the grass. "I don't know what you meant by letting go. I can't forget you. I think about you all the time. I still think it would be best if you had stayed."

I take another deep breathe. "I love you. I still don't know why you left. Everything started looking up for us. I had _you_. That's all that really mattered to me. I finally had_ you_, and then I lost you _again_. I could barely handle losing you the first time. Imagine how hard it was to go through all of that again."

I remember all the pain. I remember the confusion. I remember the drinking. It was terrible. "I was drunk, confused, and hurt."

I take a pause. Having a one sided conversation is hard. "I would give anything to see you again," I mutter. "I miss you so much. I miss the way you smile. I miss the way you laugh. I miss the way your hair flows. I miss the way you hug me. I miss the way we kiss. I miss everything. I even miss the way you scold me."

"I'm sorry if this kind of seems pointless, but I have to let it all out. What am I talking about? You're not even listening. I'm probably just talking to myself like the loon I am."

I laugh again. "I just wanted to tell you that I'm finally going to try to let you go. I still love you and miss you infinitely, but I'm going to try to let you go."

I stand up and gaze at her grave one last time. "I love you," I whisper before turning around and walking away.

"I love you, too," a woman whispers back. It takes me a minute to realize that was Maysilee. I turn around quickly, but I don't see anything. I could've sworn that was her voice.

That's when I see her. She's as beautiful as I remembered her dressed in a stunning white dress.

"Maysilee," I ask, bewildered.

She takes a few steps to close the distance between us. "He said I could visit you."

I smile as she takes her hands in mine. They no longer have the icy feel to them. "I miss you so much."

"I know. I've heard," she says with a grin. My face heats up. She heard _all_ of that?

"Uh, you heard that?"

"Yes," she says with a giggle.

"Oh," I say stupidly. Could this get any more embarrassing?

"I thought it was cute," she assures me.

"Really?"

"Yeah," she says as she leans in. I meet her lips halfway. "I miss the way we kiss, too," she whispers against my lips. I smile. This is the woman I love.

She breaks away after a bit. I stare into the eyes of the woman I have missed so much. "Why did you leave," I blurt out, probably ruining the perfect moment. I just need to know.

"You'll find out soon," she replies. She doesn't look upset at all. She looks like she expected as much.

"Will I ever see you again?"

"Yes," she responds confidently.

"Can I ask you something?"

"What?"

"Can I have one last dance," I ask.

She smiles. "Of course." I place my hands on her hips while she wraps her arms around my neck. She rests her head on my shoulder. We sway as she hums the odd tune she hummed last time. It's just like that night all those years ago.

Her melody stops and I pull her into one last embrace. She says I'll see her again, but I have a feeling it won't be until a very long time. She snakes her arms around my neck. We stay like that a very long time.

"I have to go now."

"Okay."

"I love you," she whispers as she presses a kiss to my lips.

"I love you, too," I sigh as we break apart.

"Go out. Live your life. Have fun. Don't think about me."

"I will." How can I _not_ think about her?

"Goodbye," she says as she saunters away. I let her go.

"Goodbye," I say to her retreating figure. I watch her disappear into a specific point just like last time. I leave, too.

I wait for the pain to come back. I wait for the misery to grab hold of me again, but nothing happens. I feel closure. I know that she's in a better place now.

I arrive at my house and stare at the huge mess. How did it get so cluttered? I sigh and retreat to the couch. The doorbell rings as soon as I settle in. I curse as I get up and stride to the door. The person rings the doorbell again.

"I'm coming," I yell. I am surprised to see a very excited Peeta. "Hi," I greet him.

"Katniss had a baby," he blurts out. My eyes go wide.

"Really?"

"Yeah, come on," he says as he runs back to his house. I follow.

We enter his house and sprint up the stairs to their bedroom. I see Greasy Sae gazing at the beautiful baby in Katniss' arms. Peeta's face immediately brightens up when he sees her. Katniss stares at me with a wide smile on her face. I grin, too. It's hard not to.

"We named her Delilah," she says softly. She looks back at the baby. "Would you like to hold her?"

I stare at her, stunned. "Sure." I stride over to her and hold my arms out. She gingerly puts the baby in my outstretched arms. I gaze into the baby's wide eyes and smile even bigger. This is what my baby would've looked like. She would've had the beautiful blue eyes like Maysilee and the dark skin like me. This baby looks like the baby I've dreamed of. I gaze at her parents. Peeta moved to where Katniss is and has her hands in his. They look so content.

"I'm Haymitch," I whisper to the small infant. I don't know if anyone heard me. Peeta and Katniss are babbling cheerfully. "You have some great parents." I gaze at Greasy Sae who just smiles back at me. How a newborn can make everyone so joyful. "It was nice to finally meet you."

I walk back to Katniss and lay the baby back in her arms. "She's beautiful."

"Thank you," she says. I don't think I've ever seen her happier. "I have a question for you."

"What is it, sweetheart?"

"Will you be her Godfather?"

I stare at her, even more surprised than before. I look at Peeta who is just grinning ear to ear. "I'd love to," I reply.

I know now why Maysilee needed me to let go. I wish Maysilee and I could've had a child with the bright blue eyes and the dark skin. We could've gotten married like these two, but we didn't. It wasn't meant to be. We were never supposed to get married. We were never supposed to have children. There will be a day when I see her again, and I'll be waiting patiently for that day to come. Until then, I'll do what she wanted me to do. I'll live my life. I'll have fun. I'll finally let her go.

A/N-I hope you enjoyed this story! I'm officially done with it. Review, please!


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